Its Been 10 Years..

I remember seeing a hole missing within the many miles of skyscrapers (which is odd for Manhattan).  A noticeable missing space.  I remember feeling heavy and before I knew it I was there and for once I didn't need my map to tell me where I was.  I looked to my right and there it was and my body was pulled to it.  I became saddened and quiet which is a miracle all in itself.   9/11 became real and not a mess of horrible images splashed on the tube.  I stood there 10 years later and finally felt the gravity of the situation.

The memorial opens this fall and I didn't intent to stumble upon it, I just happened to and in doing so I knew where I was.  An untouched dusty church sits right along side the grave and buildings as tall as the eye can see surrounding this "place" (for lack of a better word).  I can't really think of a word to describe it since it unleashes a weird unsettled feeling beyond what I've felt.   There were also a lot of bodies that were never recovered and I feel compelled to say grave but I don't care for that either.  It's also massive, bigger then your T.V lead you to believe.

It's something we all shared in, didn't we?  I'm sad that we hear less about the war and even less about this missing spot in Manhattan.  It's like a big pink elephant that everyone ignores because time has won the fight on terrorism.  If you could see it, its something that will make what you saw on TV real.  If you could feel the weight of this sight it would make all of your problems seem like insignificant specs of dusk.  It's undeniable, it's perfectly symbolic of the damage we can do to ourselves without getting political.

Its been ten years and I would like to say that we all shared in this moment, a moment that may still affect you today.  We all know someone fighting in the war, we all have our own story about what happened that day.  Can you give one of your thoughts to those that lost their life that day and those that fight in the war still today? its been 10 years and we are still in it today.

Fashion, Drama and (ready Britt) Action..

One would notice the individuality that surrounds Manhattan depending on the area.  We live in the LES (lower east side) that screams hipster, dark colors and an anything goes kind of apparel.  It encourages messy hair and a rolled out of bed look.  Walking in Soho and on 5th Avenue you will find a more pulled together look with a lot of fur and a sense of money.  The fashion in Manhattan is cutting edge and on any corner little boutiques host one of a kind fashions at any price. 

When you walk the streets no one person fits a conformity mold and one starts to notice that anything goes when it comes to fashion.  You become more daring, you add more not less and if something speaks to you, you go for it.  Black is the color trend and in cold weather states that seems to be the classic color of the season.  When the weather turns less cruel so do New Yorkers.  We smile a little more, we walk kinder and black gets a brief retirement.  Its a play ground for the fashion forward or those on any budget.  You can play dress up here from Lady Gaga to as white trash as say Brittney Spears post meltdown.  You own it and therefore it looks trendy and it makes you stop and notice.

In Union Square I sat on a bench, people watching.  This is easy to do here, and you could really do this for hours.  Who needs to TV when the live entertainment value of New Yorkers is entertaining enough.  A multicolored wig caught my eye.  Not only the color but the height of this thing was impressive.  A good ten pounds of fake colored fro, bouncing carelessly as big busts of wind failed to knock the glory off his head.  Every color of the rainbow, a teased mess and he was damn proud that he had found it.  He was wearing it today and no one could stop him, it would take a short door entrance to knock his prized locks off.  Oh and the strut, that man STRUTTED like he was on a runway for Chanel. 

And that my friends is New York City.  No shame, no conformity and all individuality (with a dash of what some would say is crazy).  You can get away with anything here except for urinating in public and fighting in bars.  Even the homeless people here are all that and a bag of chips.  Every one not only walks really fast here but they walk with purpose and with a strut (unless you are a tourist). 

Here's my cheers to NYC. You go New York with your bad self.  New york is like an Italian woman, it will cook you a nice meal but if you piss her off it will be quick to give you the middle finger.  There's no place like it however I hear London is comparable.  

London is Calling..

So it's official we are going to London, crossing the pond to another land I know nothing about.  I fell in love with Manhattan and now we are crossing the pond.  Although this has been in the works for a few months now, its official we move in 2 months.  I am excited, scared and overwhelmed by paperwork but mostly I am thrilled by yet another adventure. 

I'm now used to feeling unsettled, one would think I was committed to someone in the military.  I feel strangely nomadic but ready yet again for change. Of all the lands unexplored, Europe had always sparked my most intense curiosity.  I am so naive about Londen that I thought it was spelt with an e after being corrected that it was in fact an o.  Its all pretty surreal, I don't think much about it although it will approach soon enough.  It will be another challenge that we will do better the second time around.  I have become pretty tame, less excited as I understand now what goes into it. 

Never did I think we would have the backing of a coroporation behind us, never did I think that the foundation would strengthen between us.  The fall is easier now, less doubt more structure between a fairly new couple.  The missing comes and goes and if it wasn't for Skype the longing would be more prominent. 

So we are crossing the pond right before I truly fell in love with this current city.  New York will always be here as will Minnesota.  We made lasting friends here even though it was brief, we ate through this city and got ourselves settled overtime.  Its a bittersweet realization that there is no other place like Manhattan, that you can create anything you want here.  It brings hope that I will go into London with the attitude Manhattan gave me.  I may not have survived London if I didn't give myself to Manhattan first.  Conquering here makes me understand that adaptability is the source to understanding another culture, another place and those "strangers" around me.  I'm more open now, I fight change less and I'm ready for yet another adventure.

London here we come..

Home

Its weird when you realize that you have a home away from home.  Being my first adventure away from the nest, you wonder if you could ever recreate home.  The truth is, you can't.  There is nothing like it and you can create a chunk of it but there truly is no place like home.  There's the familiarity of knowing every stop light and seeing faces from your past that makes you feel comfort, the comfort of knowing and predictability. 

I stumbled into our place, hands full of grocery bags and cut flowers.  I ran into the garbage waiting for my return at the door.  I dropped everything, sat in the doorway and thought "I'm home or a chunk of a home we have created."  I finally feel like I have my spot in this massive place called Manhattan and it hasn't eaten me alive, its been very kind to me.  Its been over 2 months and meeting people hasn't been hard, figuring out this city came with time and my relationship keeps getting better. 

Although my new home finally fell into place, my heart continues to call for familiarity mostly when the apartment is empty and my beloved faces are simple fond slide shows in my brain.  With all of them having a very special relationship with me, some have changed others continue to thrive.  Some didn't understand playing off their own insecurities that may have surfaced within this change.  Others knew I was suffocating in Minnesota, not that I didn't love it there but I needed a new environment so that I can create.  I wish those relationships knew how easy it was to get back to square one with me.  I just want everyone to be happy and supportive as I would do the same for them (you know who you are). 

Don't you ever feel uninspired?  and that sometimes with change brings inspired thought, brings room for more thought?  Takes you from the same routine and thrusts you into something unknown, where a way is for you to create.  This is what I love and what made me jump into this decision.  

For right now I have found my home away from home and I can say for right now, I am okay.  Better then okay, better then I have been awhile.  My home will always be there and trust me there is nothing better although I have found the next best thing.