Will You Start Now? My Friend.

We all have a breaking point, a place where we come to and say "this isn't me."  We are resilient, as we will pretend for as long as we can get away with it.  Where our imagination has dissipated overtime from older age, our inner actor comes through and we act our asses of.  The problem with this is that we become the actress and forfit who we really are.  Its an exhausing process, it shakes and wakes your inner core to start listening. 

"Danielle, you have to start listening to yourself."

This quote scared me and saved me all at the same time.  It crushed the inner pretender.  Its like when you watch people that keep playing with fire time after time.  A drug addict that scores more blow, a husband that stays married, but cheats.  A homeless person begging for money on the same corner day in and day out.  We become comfortable with the pretending, and we watch the pretend everyday.  Is it supposed to be this way?  I think not, but comfort is a is a beautiful mask and not knowing any better is a chronic illness of the imagination.

I was given a chance and someone took a risk on me.  My pride took a hit and and in a meeting with my manger at this famous restaurant with this fabulous chef, told me to start listening.  My heart wasn't here, I hardly was.  It wasn't me, and that's hard to admit as part of me once believed it was and secretly I enjoyed the challenge.

When you start listening it becomes pretty clear what needs to happen, getting quiet through the noise is the hard part.  Call it what it is, a horse isn't a cow a cow isn't a horse.  There's more to this life then being someone your not.  I had to redefine me and what is was I wanted. 

I have been chasing a stage my whole life and I'm tried of not having it.  I'm tired of taking jobs I hate, I'm tired of pretending.  Aren't you?  Aren't we all?  I don't like watching it and I don't like being it.  This whole little game isn't going to last forever, you know. 

Hey you, will you start listening to yourself, today like right now.  It starts now and it starts with you, right now my friend.   

And the answer appeared and I wasn't pretending and it felt damn good because it was me, now its you're turn.