Light, curious, easy and mold-able. Bright sponges of adventure with little self awareness and almost no knowledge of whats outside their door step. Carefree without caution their protectors are never too far away. They find fulfillment in the small things and their eyes become light beacons as everything is new. The joy of children and the lightness they bring to an overwhelmed adult life and their timeless energy I wish I could bottle. Watching them grow is half the realization that I was once small, that I once didn't care to know any better. I had dirt on my face and sunburned skin. I was wildly dramatic and insanely adventurous often bringing mud pies as peace offerings to a mother that didn't understand why I would pick all of her prized flowers. I once was one of them and if I could keep them small forever I would.
We were all kids and then we grew up.
The point of this all is that I feel as if I have left a few key elements out of the equation. You have been a loyal reader and may have some questions as to why I am on the east coast and why in less then 1 year my life is very much different.
This year I turned 25 and something happened within myself, I finally felt like I was an adult. Now technically speaking by law we are an adult at 18, but the realization of it all hit this year. I can't fuck around anymore, I have to start figuring out what the hell I'm doing before a mindless job sucks me in forever. I don't know about you but we aren't 21 and from the time we were 18, you and I have grown so much. Whether or not your aware of your change and progress, its happened and is happening right now. You are never at a stand still and each day you awake and can change your direction now. Within five minutes you can as I did months ago when I realized I was an adult now. I'm not one to get all emotional and mushy on your ass but allow me to give you a healthy pill that won't erase your memory. Its a small dose of yourself that I believe you can handle.
There's a few questions I would like to ask you, that I asked myself. You may not like the answers but within yourself lies the true direction. If you have no idea what hell I'm talking about then you need to start having a well overdue checkup with yourself. Grab a mirror, a bottle of wine (or vodka) box of Kleenex, light a candle and for god sakes start asking some important questions about your adult self.
1. Are you happy?
2. Do you remember what you ate for breakfast yesterday?
3. Are your current relationships with friends and family healthy and functional?
4. Does your job bring you fulfillment/ are you doing what you love?
5. Do you have many secrets that you feel you can't tell anyone about?
6. Are you in control of your thoughts? or does your mind often wonder?
7. Do you have close relationships? Can you easily create new ones?
8. Whats makes you happy?
9. When was the last time you were truly happy and calm?
The answers weren't ideal for me and perhaps they are better for you. The point of it all is that it's hard to change if you don't recognize a clear problem or if you don's realize your progression. We will stay in crazy relationships, stay friends with people whom take advantage of you and stay put in a job for the paycheck. I had to start asking the hard questions and the truth isn't all that saved me.
Someone very special arrived out of nowhere. His kindness came into my life and lifted me at a time I felt consumed by myself. The truth laid heavy as huge reminds that my current affairs weren't working. He took me in and held me through my deceptive stature. I am not one to admit this, a weakness is not a shade I wear. He became the key to me finding more and he opened doors where I only saw windows. For his timing I am forever grateful and for his love I am forever committed.
The truth is that when you deal with what you don't want it becomes easier to figure out what it is you do want. Failing relationship, always wanting more, settling and emotional outbursts just to name a few. Pleasant reminders that maybe your not in the right direction and the flood gates open for fear and anxiety and that's what started my journey. I'm not one to welcome that into my life, I'm not ok with the sit still and I wished for luck and luck I received. I don't know if this hits every 25 year old but something happened and for it I am grateful. It catches like the flu and you become lost in your current situation which is only a result of decisions made prior. If its not what you dreamed of, dream harder.
So we aren't kids anymore but we can create more now then ever before. We can still catch the energy of the children around us. We are never too old for mud pies and who said building forts aren't for adults. I am excited for this new adventure and within my spirit I always remember myself as a carefree child bright-eyed ready to explore and create.
No comments:
Post a Comment