I have walked into a lions den now 3 days in a row. Slowly I have tiptoed around a sleeping bear for him to always wake up. I am new and trust me I must reek of new because it is apparently bait for a hungry bear. I'm watching secrets of his success and trust me he doesn't release these secrets without a good kick to the ass every five or so minutes. Sweaty by design, I'm almost sure I'm a dripping puddle by the time he's done with me and for 3 days straight I have faked going to the bathroom to hide my tears. These people are business, they mean business and they are going to break you down long before you actually get the job. The simple fact is that in order to work for someone famous you best believe you are "the shit." They run a well lubed machine, day in and day out and someone has to die or leave to get a coveted position there. Someone didn't die at this place, they got pushed down the stairs in the heat of service from a bitter co-worker. That was a lie, she got deported. I walked in and through the means of great timing, got the job. THE job, like the job people never get but I got. Why me? (you ask silently as if I can't hear you) because I apparently come off as being "the shit," however deep down I was always meant to be an actress.
He's the captain but his shipmates are even worse. They crowd around you flooding you so full of ways to do things that by the end of it my head feels like a drum. They are honest they smell my shit and call it shit. I like them and they like me however we have been fighting over this for the past 3 days. Is she qualified? Can she do it? "Looks like we are starting from the basic's with you, " direct quote from my beloved shipmate. He's the small bear who's bite is much worse then his bark, I'll show him.
There comes a point where I ask, how much is too much? I'm all for learning things but I have to ask when is constructive criticism is all you get for 8 hours, when do you know if and when you're doing things right? Even when I think I'm right some asshole from left field will say nope, wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG. I feel like I'm 2 again and all you hear is NO NO NO NO, newbie! (minus the newbie part but it's kind of relevant). They do this to everyone I hear, I am no different. Most wouldn't talk to me as they had bets I wouldn't last the first day. I have lasted 3.
There will be a follow up to this, I'm in "the shit" storm right now. I'm a sailboat without a paddle, salt that's always missing the pepper, a pb&j without bread. I'm butter without Paula Dean, a nun without her chastity belt, a porn star without a mustache.
I, I, I..(tears roll gently down blushed cheeks, snot is now visible, long hyperventilating gasps become louder and more pronounced, makeup now resembling Carrot Top lookalike with a slight resemblance to Joan Rivers) am being tested and need to prove that I am in fact, without a doubt "the shit."
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